My day started like any other day - get up ( 30 min before I need to) take and dose of my morning meds, wait for meds to kick in while enjoying my morning coffee, get ready for work, ( thankfully I only to go into the office a few days a week) hustle get the kids out the door etc… The fact that the drive to work was a little less then normal should have thrown warning signals off in my mind, but I pushed them back… as I was in a rush to get there early because I had to leave early – naturally I was stuck in traffic! By the time I reached the office parking lot, I was more then flustered and of course hit the curb frantically and embarrassed. I began to shrug the morning rush off and settled down in my office to get some overdue work done.
My peaceful morning that I just found in the crowd of annoyances began to come crashing down on top with a confrontation with a colleague. I truly hate confrontations; I believe everything can be worked out with a compromise. I am sure you fibromites know that in our daily lives we have to make things work, even simple things like how many times we get up, or each day when we hit our wall (mine is typically between 1 or 2pm) the wall where the muscles start to get stiff, start spasms and start that daily aching like you have the flu. Anyway, I had made a mistake with a new responsibility at work – honestly I don’t even know how I did so, but none the less it was a small mistake that ended up costing someone else some time to help me correct due to me being out sick. This mistake caused my co-worker time as my office was being used by someone and the co-worker could not get into my office to get to my files. So this co-worker demanded that I keep these particular files in where she keeps hers. (Previously I had asked my manager if I could keep these particular “files” in my office) My Colleague is sharing some of her work load each week with me due to the fact that it is an overwhelming work load. Each week I help a few hours. Since 99% of the time I am the only one that needs to be in my files – I keep them in my office. Because of this incident she needed a few of my documents. Anyway because she had to wait to get them – she demanded I keep them in her office, I kindly offered a compromise that literally requires her NOT to even leave her seat. A few of the reasons I keep them in my office is because 1. It’s inefficient for me to have to get up and go to her office every time I need one of my documents. 2. Its time costly on me, what if I can not get into her office – if she is in the middle of a meeting then I can not get what is mine and needed at the time. 3. By mid day it becomes hard for me physically to have to continue to get up. Her defense was the following: It affects HER, HER Time – what if she can not get into my office, this affects HER, stating I only need into the files twice a day - not true, what if I forget something, need to see something, HER response you can look it up on line, well what if I forget something then I have to walk all the way back over here. (Her office is not close to mine) Again – It Affects HER. After listening to HER demands I simply offered the compromise one more time of – I will use a small wire mesh table top file box and when I leave each day (b/c I am only there a few days a week) I will bring it to your office then pick it up on the days that I am in and bring it to my office, this way you have my files when I am not here and I can have my files with me when I am in the office. Again, she demanded she wanted them in her office, proceeds to use the excuse that these files used to be in the common file area and that the only reason they moved to her office is b/c we needed space in the common area….Well that excuse is irrelevant, since they are not in the common area it makes sense for her to keep hers and me to keep mine! I then try to explain to her that physically it’s easier this way on me as well – she actually had the nerve to say to me she understands and proceeds with her demands…. I think one of the hardest things to tolerate (other then the daily pain) is those who say “I understand” when they have absolutely no clue what it is like to live with these diseases. I feel if she walked 5 minutes in my shoes on a good day she would have never considered shouting her demands at me. What is sad, this is a woman I thought I was creating a good relationship with. We have shared many personal stories and she knows a little of my physical elements. I don’t complain at work about what I am going through physically. I some how to manage to push through it when I am at the office and really this is the 1st time I have ever used it to make a statement to benefit me. What’s funny – like I said the compromise benefitted both of us and she wasn’t even getting put out by it?
This person has also said things like oh you can do this at home while you are watching TV – 1st off if I watch TV its typically TV time with my family, not work time with my family..2nd off – if I get a chance to watch TV on my own its usually late and I am beyond exhausted searching for some down time before bed. – So No this person does not “understand”
I don’t “understand” people. I know that this was clearly an issue of control and she was annoyed she had to pitch in - but must people fall so defenseless against their control issues that they don’t see that they are being ridiculously difficult. If people would focus more on kindness and truly listened to what others are saying – the world work so much better….
So needless to say, I offered a compromise, she refused it angrily – my manager approved the files in my office and that is where they will stay! I have not time or room in my life for difficult, unkind, confrontational people….therefore any personal relationship we had certainly went out the window – its strictly business! I will continue to be kind – but not personal.
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